I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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