I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
