Too much gin, very little bucket
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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