My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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