How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
