Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
