forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
