ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
