My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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