there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
