I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
