i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Send help, water and tortillas.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.