Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
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The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
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i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.