Swine flu. Run for my life!
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
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You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
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I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.