FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
