for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
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is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
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I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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