My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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