God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
