listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
