My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
