i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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