new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
