never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Randomize
