I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
