In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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