dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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