you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
