The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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