My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
