im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
