That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
