I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
did you just send me my own nude
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
