Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
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