The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
