She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
