Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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