sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
