haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
