How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
