am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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