Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
