I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
