their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Drunk is not a location!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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