don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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