How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
