My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
