she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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