he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
