Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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