Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
