whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
