Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
