we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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