I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
