I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
