You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
