If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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