Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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