Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
