stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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