i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
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Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
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That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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