I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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