did you get engaged???
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
