I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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