My underwear smells like fireworks.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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