if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
