I'm so fucking centered right now
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
