You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
