I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
