areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
it was like eating out sand paper
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
