R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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