if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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