guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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