I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
