mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
