Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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